Intimacy Issues

Why Are Intimacy Issues So Hard To Deal With?

This is just a theory, but it could be that one way people try to avoid intimacy issues is by living together but not getting married. Some fear that once they get married there are certain responsibilities that have to be met, like bread winning, that will get in the way of intimacy. This can be true when both partners are what one might call achievers, and neither is fond of just being together in a nice little house with a white picket fence. Both have things to do and places to go, and there's not much room for commitment or intimacy.


Once in awhile a man finds a woman who turns out to be a lover, wife, mistress, best friend, and soul mate all rolled into one, and she sees much the same in him. This is a situation where, once married, the two do in effect become one, not only in a religious and sexual sense but in a spiritual sense as well. In this happy situation there are not apt to be too many intimacy issues that can't be quickly resolved.

It's Not Just Sex - We have a tendency to think of intimacy issues in sexual term only, which is probably the wrong way to approach the problem. If people can't be intimate emotionally, instead of just physically, they really don't have a lot going for them.


The culture we live in doesn't make things all that much easier. Besides being fast-paced, we are constantly tempted to participate in all sorts of activities, few of which take into account both partners in a relationship. Intimacy isn't really discouraged, but it's often ignored, and when it's not ignored it is sometimes marketed as being something that it really isn't, i.e., sex and only sex.

We sometimes get so wrapped up into trying to become what our culture seems to dictate we should be, attractive, successful, and all of that, we fear that by being intimate we will lose our focus on pursuing what is supposedly right for us if we are to be successful. Successful people are seldom perceived as having a capacity for intimacy, and this is a case where perception sometimes becomes reality.

Success Needn't Destroy Intimacy - As bleak as this may sound, we really don't have to look very hard to find people who are super achievers and are leading very successful lives whose top priority remains spouse and family, and who would rather be with them than anything else. Busy people will almost always experience intimacy issues from time to time, but that doesn't mean they don't know how to deal with them, or don't care about dealing with them.

Intimacy issues often arise because we get into a situation where we are too busy or too preoccupied to spend time with our partner. The partner may then choose to reciprocate, and, after a while, a gulf begins to separate them. When an attempt is made to bridge that gulf it is often awkward, and in some instances even scary. If two people have become somewhat distant from one another, even though they still love one another, it can be very difficult at times to reestablish a sense of intimacy. It seems easier just to continue to go one's way.

Is Commitment The Key? - Living together without getting married doesn't necessarily avoid intimacy issues, but it seems there has to be a commitment of some sort, a desire on behalf of both parties to make a relationship work and keep it healthy. There is of course no easy answer, and life can be a little difficult at times no matter how hard we try to get things right. Real commitment, taken seriously, may just be the key to avoiding those intimacy issues that can't easily be set right.