Facts about Emotional Abandonment
Relationships that go wrong are difficult enough to deal with when the partner leaves, but can be even worse when they stay physically but withdraw all emotion. Abandonment takes many forms, and being blocked out emotionally could very well be the worst of all.
The initial stages of marriage are generally filled with loving words, gestures and actions of both partners. With diligence and devotion, this form of interaction can continue throughout a marriage. Sadly, many people do not invest the time and attention necessary in a marriage to cultivate a deep and lasting relationship. In fact, society seems to promote a disposable attitude in life that extends to marriages as well, making it seem easy and acceptable to walk away from what was meant to be a lifetime commitment. This is one reason that it is estimated that between 40 and 50% of marriages will end in divorce. The physical parting of two people who once vowed to stay together until “death do us part” is a sad and depressing time in life, but may not be the worst type of situation that a married couple might face.
Reasons for separation
Two individuals working for a single goal takes dedication and determination. Most people start out with this goal in mind, but over time they lose sight of the mutual focus. Why? There are many reasons that couples grow apart. One of the most common reasons is that one individual experiences personal growth while the other remains the same. This often happens when one person works while the other one stays at home. Another cause can be that personal traits of one individual which were endearing in the early days of the relationship become overwhelmingly annoying or frustrating to the other individual later on. The traits can be a need to control, dependency or jealousy among others.
Often when one half of a couple loses sight of the mutual goal, they begin to dream of a different life that doesn’t include their current spouse. As this dream becomes more and more desirable, it can prompt the individual to leave the home that the couple began together. Physical separations in a marriage are the final blow to what has likely been a gradual falling apart between the couple. While in the beginning the separation seems to be the end of the world to the individual left behind, each passing day without seeing the other individual becomes a bit easier. Each party is able to begin rebuilding their life without the other, and not seeing each other is actually a blessing in disguise. Each person must focus on themselves and their own life, which can help them each to move forward.
Just as there are a number of reasons that couples physically separate, there are an equal number of reasons that people who are unhappy with their relationships stay in them. Money concerns, fear, religious beliefs and apathy are a few common reasons. The sad thing is that, while an individual may not physically leave, they often withdraw emotionally. No longer caring about the well being and happiness of the other, the person begins to avoid speaking or interacting with the other. This type of behavior is frequently more damaging than a physical separation since the injured party still must endure the company of the other, thereby prohibiting them from the opportunity of moving on in life. Knowing their relationship is over yet living in close quarters with each other as though nothing had changed can be a contradiction in terms; creating confusion and pain as the constant reminder of the breakdown in communications faces the couple on a daily basis. Silence is deafening between the two and automatic responses the norm in these situations as each tries to deny the inevitable.
Relationships that were once euphorically happy can erode to the point where little common ground is shared between a couple. Usually at this point, one person leaves the relationship and forces the other to rebuild their life. In the case where no one leaves yet a sense of emotional abandonment pervades, a vacuum atmosphere hovers; they cannot go back and change things nor are they able to move forward. Recognizing and dealing with the issue is the only hope for these people to achieve a happier life.